Stags Friendly at Retford Goes Ahead

After a Government COBRA meeting this afternoon, it can now be revealed that the Stags pre-season friendly at Retford United can now go ahead as planned.

It follows the news that the planned ‘friendly’ with Stockport County had been called off on ‘police advice’ due to the availability of officers who would be waiting in line to get their faces painted in rainbow colours at Nottingham Pride, and therefore were unable to contribute to any proper policing on the day of the match.

Today, outgoing prime minister Theresa May chaired a meeting of the Government’s emergency committee COBRA, based on police advice that some dozen Stags supporters were planning on heading into Retford a full hour before kick off, and partaking in a pint before heading to the game and potentially shouting some kind of abuse at a linesman during the first half.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn said the government were to blame for the chaos over the friendly debacle with Stockport, blaming police cuts for the mess, and that the country was now ready for a general election, even though he wasn’t.